Hardcore Bishop Leads OWS Occupation of Church-Owned Land

Here's retired Bishop/Occupy Wall Streeter George Packard ascending a ladder that takes him not to a higher spiritual level but to a vacant patch of land owned by Trinity Church. Occupiers want to convert Trinity's property into their next Zuccotti-like encampment—a plan that the church opposes because cleanliness » 12/17/11 6:15pm 12/17/11 6:15pm

Family-Values Politician Bought Gay Sex Shop Wares With Taxpayer Money

For those of you who keep track of America's conservative family-values Republicans who are caught doing sexy gay things, here's a new name to add to your lists: Southaven, Mississippi mayor and failed Congressional candidate Greg Davis, who allegedly billed taxpayers $67 for purchases at a Canadian gay sex shop… » 12/17/11 4:12pm 12/17/11 4:12pm

How to Photoshop Your Way to a $425,000 Payoff

Former University of Northern Colorado student Tom Mink (right) (ha, just kidding—left!) just received a $425,000 settlement from a bunch of Colorado cities for improperly searching his home and confiscating his computer after he'd created "Junius Puke," the Photoshop at right of UNC finance professor Junius Peake. » 12/17/11 2:00pm 12/17/11 2:00pm

Rick Perry Reveals Existence of the Secret Nation of 'Solynda'

While campaigning in Iowa, secessionist prime minister of Texas Rick Perry leaked some classified intelligence when he told his audience of hecklers and hog farmers that, for an unknown period of time, the U.S. has been secretly funding "the country Solynda." » 12/12/11 9:32am 12/12/11 9:32am

Lowe's Is Sorry If Its Appeasement of Anti-Muslim Bigots Has Offended…

By pulling its ads from TLC's All-American Muslim—a reality show in which Michigan-based Muslims ("terrorists") hug, roller-blade, dance in their middle-class driveways, and engage in other banal activities ("fight the holy war")—Lowe's Home Improvement pleased and appeased America's Islamophobic community. But now… » 12/12/11 8:14am 12/12/11 8:14am

Viral Vigilante of the Day: 'The Big Man'

Here's an instructional video on what not to do while riding the Scottish rails without a ticket: i.e., swear at the ticket collector, refuse to budge from your seat, and hold up the train while in the presence of The Big Man, Scotland's newest public transportation-oriented superhero-vigilante. The Big Man's simple… » 12/12/11 7:18am 12/12/11 7:18am

Headhunter Will Be More Careful About Calling People 'C—kjockeys' From…

Poor middle-aged six-figure recruitment executive Gary Chaplin was only trying to be helpful and honest when he told a prospective job seeker via email to "fuck off" for being "too stupid to get a job, even in banking." Unfortunately, the 4,000 other people he sent the email to by accident didn't appreciate his candor. » 12/11/11 6:21pm 12/11/11 6:21pm

Lindsay Lohan Took $10,000 to a House Party

Disappointing(ly) naked person Lindsay Lohan and her shapeshifting sister Aliana have been vacationing in Hawaii this weekend to escape from their life burdens. Of course, Lindsay encountered her nemesis, The Wicked Dr. Drama, while standing in line for another non-alcoholic pineapple drink and this produced… » 12/11/11 4:36pm 12/11/11 4:36pm

Joe Paterno Has Become America's Most Pathetic Man

Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno just fractured his pelvis for the second time. He'll be spared surgery, but will still have to continue living life as Joe Paterno: America's cancer-having*, idiot riot-inspiring, Presidential Medal of Freedom-less, buffed off, soon-to-be-trashed child rapist-protector. In… » 12/11/11 3:20pm 12/11/11 3:20pm

Is Ke$ha's Bob Dylan Cover Pretentious or Stunningly Honest?

Liquory tooth-brushing trademark litigant Ke$ha has contributed a version of Bob Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right" to an upcoming Amnesty International compilation of 76 Dylan covers. The results—a raw, snotty-nosed Ke$ha baring her glittery soul for the world—might surprise you. » 12/11/11 2:02pm 12/11/11 2:02pm

Idiot SWAT Team Tried to Catch Guy Who Was Already in Prison

After collecting tips from (drunk? bath salts-addled?) witnesses and obtaining a warrant, a Santa Maria, California SWAT team stormtroopered the home of Hope and Javier Bravo Sr. in search of their son, Javier Bravo Jr. But he was already incarcerated. Which seems like something they should have known! » 12/10/11 7:00pm 12/10/11 7:00pm

Hey 'Ching' and 'Chong,' Your Chick-fil-A Is Ready

Well, this won't help Chick-fil-A appear any less bigoted: A Tumblrer d/b/a "Lolwhut" reports that his friend and an acquaintance—both of whom are Asian—stopped by a Chick-fil-A in Irvine for some sandywitches and, upon placing their orders, received these receipts referring to them as "Ching" and "Chong." The… » 12/10/11 5:54pm 12/10/11 5:54pm

The Most Bizarre Use for Michael Jackson's Old Hair Ever

Today the gambling website OnlineGamblingPal.com dropped $10,871 for a sample of entombed pop star Michael Jackson's old hair. Why so much? Because that's the going market rate for the amount of Michael Jackson hair you see in the photo. Also, they saw the hairball's potential—as a roulette ball. » 12/10/11 5:15pm 12/10/11 5:15pm